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Friday, February 10, 2006

Thesaurus For Men

THESAURUS FOR MEN (Thanks again J.C.)

"I'M GOING FISHING" ( Translated: ) * I'm going to drink myself dangerously stupid, and stand by a stream with a stick in my hand, while the fish swim by incomplete safety!
"IT'S A GUY THING" ( Translated: ) * "There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical."
"CAN I HELP WITH DINNER?" ( Translated: ) * "Why isn't it already on the table?"
"UH HUH", "SURE, HONEY" OR "YES, DEAR" ( Translated: ) * Absolutely nothing. It's a conditioned response.
"IT WOULD TAKE TOO LONG TO EXPLAIN" ( Translated: ) * "I have no idea how it works."
"I WAS LISTENING TO YOU. IT'S JUST THAT I HAVE THINGS ON MY MIND." ( Translated: ) * "I was wondering if that redhead over there is wearing a bra."
"TAKE A BREAK HONEY, YOU'RE WORKING TOO HARD". ( Translated: ) * "I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner."
"THAT'S INTERESTING, DEAR." ( Translated: ) * "Are you still talking?"
"YOU KNOW HOW BAD MY MEMORY IS." ( Translated: ) * "I remember the theme song to 'F Troop', the address of the first girl I ever kissed and the vehicle identification numbers of every car I've ever owned, ... but I forgot your birthday."
"I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT YOU, AND GOT YOU THESE ROSES." ( Translated: ) * "The girl selling them on the corner was a real babe."
"OH, DON'T FUSS, I JUST CUT MYSELF. IT'S NO BIG DEAL." ( Translated: ) * "I have actually severed a limb, but will bleed to death before I admit that I'm hurt."
"HEY, I'VE GOT MY REASONS FOR WHAT I'M DOING". ( Translated: ) * "And I sure hope I think of some pretty soon."
"I CAN'T FIND IT." ( Translated: ) * "It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm completely clueless."
"WHAT DID I DO THIS TIME?" ( Translated: ) * "What did you catch me at?"
"I HEARD YOU." ( Translated: ) * "I haven't the foggiest clue what you just said, and am hoping desperately that I can fake it well enough so that you don't spend the next 3 days yelling at me."
"YOU KNOW I COULD NEVER LOVE ANYONE ELSE." ( Translated: ) * "I am used to the way you yell at me, and realize it could be worse."
"YOU LOOK TERRIFIC." ( Translated: ) * "Oh, God, please don't try on one more outfit, I'm starving."
"I'M NOT LOST. I KNOW EXACTLY WHERE WE ARE." ( Translated: ) * "No one will ever see us alive again."
"WE SHARE THE HOUSEWORK." ( Translated: ) * "I make the messes, she cleans them up."

how can I not resist sharing my email with you?
Be happy

1 comment:

C. F. said...

Funny stuff...mainly because it's true...I can attest to that.