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Friday, June 02, 2006

A very sad anniversary follows the happy one.

June 2 2006
Today marks the second anniversary of my Boyfriend Graham's passing.
My part goes like this:
Graham MacNicoll
August 22,1961 - June 2, 2004
You will never be forgotten.
I pledge to you each day
A hallowed place within my heart.
Where you will always stay.
Graham's part goes ( in part) like this:

If you need me, call me and I will come,

even if you cannot see me or touch me I will be there.

And if you listen to your heart,

you will clearly feel the softness of love I will bring.

And when the time comes for you to leave,

I will be there to welcome you;

absent in my body, present with God.

Do not stand at my grave and weep,

I am not there I do not sleep.

I am a thousand winds that blow.

I am the diamond glints on the snow.

I am the sunlight on ripened grain.

I am the gentle autumn rain.

I am the swift uplifting rush of quiet birds in circle flight.

I am the soft stars that glitter and shine in the night.

Do not stand at my grave and cry.

I am not there, I did not die.

Links to more posts I wrote about Graham.


Alana said...

That was really beautiful Barbara. Hopefully without sounding like a dweeb, the poems were amazing, even got me to cry (what is with you Barbaras getting me to cry lately?). Remember what we talked about the other day, he does wonderful things for you (especially on anniversaries!), he's awesome no matter what.


Barbara said...

Your reply is getting me to cry. Thanks Alana.

*hugs back*

Barbara Bruederlin said...

I'm near speechless and there are big drops falling on the keyboard.

That was such a lovely moving tribute to Graham. He was a very special person, from what you've told us about him, and my heart goes out to you, especially today. Bless his memory, which you are keeping so very alive.

Barbara said...

Now you are making me cry Barbara B. Thank you.
There were two In Memoriam for Graham in the paper today. One from his family and one from his friends. I am not alone in missing him. I am about to go join his family for lunch. I can here Graham say 'Barbara don't cry'.

Barbara said...

Update: As I was pulling out of the parking lot The car infront had a licence plate that started with CRY.
Maybe that is a sign that it's ok to cry on this day.

AndysGirl said...


That was a beautiful poem and hopefully the words will help to soothe or pain and sorrow you feel. I believe that "the heart goes on" and you take the love with you. Everywhere you go he is with you always, watching over you, keeping you safe, and loving you. Remember the good times and the love you shared as you go through this day. Today is/was my parents' wedding anniversary, I'm sorry you didn't get to spend as many years together as they did; but am glad you had each other for as long as you did.


Barbara said...

Thank you ((Andygirl))
Well said.
Graham and I had met in 2001 at work. He was the new computer programmer doing his 'stage' in our computer department. The entire department started going out for beer on Fridays suddenly. Graham was so fun to be around. Everyone wanted to hang out together with him. It was like a weird group date... I was living with a guy at the time who never wanted to do social things. I realised this was one of the things I was missing in my life. When I did get that lightbulb moment I broke it off with the one to go out with the other. Nothing is as simple as I am explaining it but I fell for Graham and I don't regret a moment of it. 'Cept hurting the other guy.
Graham was diagnosed with lung cancer in 2003, the same week I was laid off from work. I was at least able to spend more time with him through the bad times. We made the best of the time he had left.

debz said...

It's tragic and I truly feel for you. I had a friend just pass from lung cancer and, in all honesty, I think it's worse for them when they are suffering through it. I was glad when Joan finally passed - for her sake. It was too painful to watch her struggle.

No one can ever take our memories as you remember what you had with him, even if it was for a brief time.

Barbara said...

((debz))) I know you understand.
Joan is in a better place. No one should suffer like that. But even near the end Graham was able to laugh with family and friends. Now that the sad aniversary day is over I feel lighter somehow. I have great memories to smile about. I am always happy in my core no matter what life brings. Graham called me Sunshine.

Barbara Bruederlin said...

Barbara, honey, I'm glad you were able to observe this anniversary. It must have been painful at times, but it sounds like it was also a wonderful celebration of Graham's life.

Jas Bhambra said...

Wherever Graham is, he sure thinks about you.

That was moving, Barbara. And it is ok to cry, its good for the soul.

Wandering Coyote said...

Barbara: I am bawling my eyes out after reading this post and the others you linked to. Doesn't help that I'm going through my own pain right now. A day of crying indeed.

You sound so strong. I admire that. Thanks for sharing.

Barbara said...

if sharing helps you in any way wandering coyote than I am happy to share the misery. If that makes sense.
I have a strength in part due to my faith. I am not religious but my faith is strong.